Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I'm moving to Tumblr! My new address:

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bad Axe

Sexuality and femininity/masculinity are not related! There are so many misconceptions created by the media's cookie cutter stereotypes! I will bring them to their knees.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


So here are some photo previews of the video Ashlie and I just finished!

We had a long overdue funeral for my tarantula Frankie (who passed in September and spent a little over a month resting in the freezer). He can now legit RIP!

The video will be posted here soon so keep an eye out!

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Story That Begins It All...

So here is the story that spawned everything. Let's see how well it works.

Alan and Reese

One late night little Alan was walking in the dark.
He tripped over an obscured little object, in the middle of the park.
A peculiar seed Alan found,
Lodged on a rather harsh angle in the ground.
It was plump, oblong, red and shiny,
Then Alan thought to himself, "Why must I always walk so blindly?"
Picking it up and stuffing it into his jeans,
He thought, "Just maybe I've found one of Jack's beans."
So he decided to return home,
Because now 0 the clock had shown.

The stars overhead had shown brightly,
And Alan watched them ever so politely.
They induced him with a state of euphoria
As he admired their seasonal phantasmagoria.

Sneaking up the trellis,
he could not be overzealous,
Otherwise he would wake Ma and Pa
And his father would switch him raw.

In through the tiny, tilted window he came,
Then prompted with a dull, tiring pain
Spawning on every nerve inside of his brain.
Throwing the covers in a heap,
He decided to go to sleep,
But by no means would he count any god-forsaken sheep.

The next morning when the sun arose,
So did the cackle and caw of the crows.
Now the clock would show seven,
But Alan hardly stirred till eleven.

After eating an untimely breakfast,
His mother sent him off with a kiss.
With the thought of his seed in his head,
He set out for his own little flower bed.

Inside it held marigold,
and an effervescent posy,
of flowers young and old,
some smelled sweet others blushed rosy.
Some if eaten would induce one dozy.

Two steps north of the hollyhock
Alan made his divot,
And one step west of the hemlock
There Alan did it.

The seed had been sown,
Sprinkled by meal of blood and bone,
A quick sprout would hopefully be secured
By all the water which the seed procured.

After three weeks he finally found the sprout,
This was a slow grower without a doubt.
Another few weeks passed by,
as well as May, June, and July.

The green fuzzy sprout had grown four feet tall,
and at the tip grew a sanguine, prickly ball.
Just a few more days now and it would bloom
But little did Alan know what grew in its plume.

The ball's prickles fattened into bumps,
then in time they flattened into lumps.
In mid august it was rounded like a tomato,
with black stripes appearing as a monochromatic ostinato.

On the 26th of September,
It was a sight to remember.
The stalk stood straight with turgor,
But its pod hung toward the east with fervor.

On the 18th of October
The gigantic plant looked as if it were falling over.
Alan knew frost soon,
and only hoped it a quick bloom.

On the day of the full moon,
Alan saw something odd that afternoon.
The bloom sort of twitched,
Alan asked himself, "Is it bewitched?"

That night he returned to his garden,
And begged the full moon's pardon.
He wished the plant to flower,
with help from some higher power.

So Alan waited and waited,
Feeling more and more sedated.
But then something suddenly began to occur,
This curiousness happened in a blur.

The bloom's black and red stripes began throbbing
And then the plant began an offbeat bobbing.
The flower then parted into quarters,
With luminescent slime leaking from its fission's borders.

Then out the flower fell an odd looking creature.
Complete with feather, claw, and scale,
It was uglier than his 5th grade math teacher.
It even came out with a long flicking tail!

It ruffled its plumage and shook off the slime.
When Alan saw its teeth,
He began to run in a matter of no time.

After he tripped and fell,
Alan's petrified face it began to smell.
It gave him a lick and started panting,
Then a squawk and some playful ranting.

Alan realized this thing was no harm,
So he scooped it up under his arm.
Off to his room with his Chihuahua sized friend,
His long wait finally came to an end.

The next morning Alan found it by his side,
waiting cheerfully with its eyes bright and wide.
Alan thought to himself, "It needs to be named."
"Reese it is!" he exclaimed.

When Ma first met Reese,
She looked as if she would decease.
Pa's reaction was the same,
Until he realized Reese was tame.

At the time Reese was born Alan knew it could walk,
But after a few days it began to talk.
Its voice was high pitched and squeaky,
And Reese was becoming very sneaky.

After a meal was done Reese would steal scraps from the table.
Late at night Ma would catch him watching cartoons on cable.
And after Reese decided to eat the remote,
Reese found it could change channels by clearing its throat.

Alan and Reese became the greatest of chums,
Reese would even help him prune the mums.
Every day they would walk together,
But Reese really hated being on a tether.

Another thing that Reese really didn't like,
Were children that rode on a bike.
He would bite at their tires and gnaw on the rims,
Some children would even fall off and break their limbs.

After 26 children were hurt by Reese,
Ma and Pa said, "We have to give him to the police!"
Alan knew that Reese would be subject to euthanasia,
So he planned to run away to Africa or Asia.

Alan knew his parents would stand in his way,
So Reese took care of them that very day.
With his long sharp teeth it ate them bit by bit,
Ma and Pa screamed all the way down in a panicking fit!

All that was left of Ma and Pa,
Was a burp, some slobber, and a bra.
So Alan took Ma and Pa's stash,
And headed to the airport with all of their cash.

"Two tickets to somewhere," Alan told the stewardess,
And she asked, "What's that some kind of tortoise?"
She said, "I have a flight to Hanoi, Vietnam."
Alan and Reese responded, "Yes ma'am!"

So Alan and Reese boarded the air craft,
And somewhat happily ever after they lived and laughed.

PS - Please mind my punctuation; I was never good at it.